Healing from the wounds of divorce-Loneliness
I will never forget visiting the Carlsbad Caverns and seeing the incredible labyrinth of underground shafts with all the wonders of this world many years ago. Stalagmites and stalactites all being formed from thousands of years of calcium deposits being left silently in place and the power of the earth revealing itself in this hidden world. We signed up for a tour and the guide took us deeper and deeper into the cave and explaining what we were seeing and how everything was formed.
At one point in the tour we came to a large room and I noticed there were hand rails attached to the rocks along the path. We were on a level surface so it was curious why the handrails were there. The guide told us he was going to turn off the lights and we would be experiencing complete darkness. The hand rails were there because in complete darkness equilibrium is lost and there is a danger of falling. He told us to hold on to the hand rails and he was going to turn the lights off in 3… 2… 1… off the lights went.
All of a sudden there was a thud followed by an OH #$%^*$. Apparently someone didn’t listen to the guide and didn’t hang on to the hand rail, lost their balance and fell. We all felt such a strong sense of disorientation and anxiety just by being in the dark. We weren’t alone but we felt like we were and fear really tried to take hold.
Going through a divorce can have the same effect as complete darkness did on us in the cave. There is a tendency to lose your balance and anxiety and disorientation develop in this situation. There are a couple common responses to the loneliness and anxiety we feel.
- Over compensate by getting too involved with people and things to fill the void
- Run the opposite direction, avoid people all together and hide because we are afraid.
During the healing process after a divorce the right relationships are extremely important. There is a saying, “you are who you hang with”. If you follow the first scenario allowing yourself to get so busy you try to fill the void with stuff and people. It distracts you from important relationships with Godly friends and God himself. You are also at an extremely vulnerable time in your life and the wrong relationship can really set you back. If you find yourself following the second scenario attacked with fear you cut yourself off from the encouragement and strength that comes from godly people who care about you. Running and hiding only leaves you to embrace and deal with those goofy thoughts that creep into your mind during isolation. It’s amazing what a mind left to itself can come up with. 
The handrail in the darkness for you is hanging on to God and seeking him. Hebrews 10:25 tells us that we need to not forsake the assembling of ourselves together. This means so much more than just going to church it’s about finding those people who will speak the truth to you in love no matter how you feel. There are people who love you and want God’s best for you. Find those people God is putting in your life right now and spend time with them. Be open and honest about where you are and God will use them to keep you in balance during this time in your life.
